【Seinfeld Porn Parody】

If you managed to make a new year's resolution this year,Seinfeld Porn Parody I applaud you. If you haven't, it's not too late. May I suggest more self-care? Maybe a little more self-love? Are these veiled ways of saying you should resolve to masturbate more? Perhaps, but regardless of what you want to achieve this year, orgasming certainly won't hurt.

Whether you're browser-window shopping or looking to treat yourself right this second, here are 11 popular luxury sex toys (priced from low to high):

1. Deux mini vibrator

le wand deux mini vibrator Credit: le wand

This vibe has a twin motor, which gives the Deux its rabbit-ears look. While it's a mini vibrator, it boasts 15 vibration modes and six intensity levels. It's USB chargeable and actually self-charging: The base detaches and can fit into a standard USB Type A port. A full charge lasts for one hour. According to Le Wand, the Deux is "whisper quiet" and it comes in two colors, rose gold and black.

Price: $125 from Le Wand

2. Gold Vesper

crave gold vesper vibrator Credit: crave

The Vesper is a combination vibrator/necklace. For those in the know, spotting a Vesper in public could be an instant inside joke — but it also stands alone as an elegant piece of jewelry. Its beauty doesn't mean it doesn't function well as a vibrator, either. The Vesper has a 4.6 out of 5 rating on Crave's site out of over 900 reviews. For those who want a more budget option, the silver and rose gold options are cheaper than the gold.

Price: $150 from Crave

3. The Ballerina

ballerina smile maker vibrator Credit: smile makers

Sex tech brand Smile Makers calls The Ballerina "a luxurious vulva vibrator," and its price reflects that. With a similar blob-like shape to toys such as Dame's Pom and Lelo's Sona 2 Cruise, The Ballerina is designed to fit in the palm of its user's hand and on the vulva. The toy has four speeds and three pulsation modes and what Smile Makers call an "innovative texture" — silicone gel — for a more real-life sensation.

Price: $200 from Smile Makers

4. Womanizer Duo

womanizer duo suction vibrator Credit: womanizer

The Womanizer is a suction vibrator; different variations have been praised by Wirecutter testersand sex educators alike. Gigi Engle, ACS, certified sexologist and author of All The F*cking Mistakes: a guide to sex, love, and life, told Mashable of the Womanizer Liberty, "The Womanizer looks like a decorative piece of modern art." The Duo is the suction vibrator coupled with an internal G-spot stimulator. The dual-stimulation toy comes in four colors: blueberry, raspberry, black-gold, and bordeaux-gold.

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Price: $219 from Womanizer

5. Doxy Die Cast

doxy die cast massager Credit: doxy

The Doxy Die Cast looks like the Hitachi's younger, sleeker cousin. This wand vibrator has around 20 percent more intensity than the original Doxy, which was a Wirecutter runner-upfor best vibrator and recommended by sex blogger Girl On The Net. Every element of Die Cast is customizable: the body, which comes in a choice of eight colors; the buttons; collar; and head. It also comes with a ten-foot long cable, so you don't have to worry about needing to stay close to an outlet.

Price: $219 from Doxy

6. Contour

le wand contour dildo Credit: le wand

There are some dildos that look like art, and the Contour is one of them. Made of stainless steel, this toy is roughly 11 inches long. It has a wider end for direct stimulation and smaller ridges for more intense sensations. The plus side of stainless steel is that it works with all types of lube and can be heated up or cooled down for temperature play. Le Wand insists that the Countour "will become every size queen's favorite toy."

Price: $225 from Le Wand

7. JJ Apex 24K

jj apex 24k Credit: jimmyjane

At the tip, the JJ Apex 24K looks like many an internal stimulator. Go farther down, however, and you'll realize that's absolutely not the case. A flicking "tongue" with a textured sleeve (and a vibrator inside, of course) is at the other end of this toy. The user attaches one of two different cups, designed for the vulva or the nipples, to this part for suction. If you're especially missing oral sex under quarantine, this may be the toy for you.

Price: $230 from JimmyJane

8. Soraya Wave

I reviewed LELO's Soraya Wavemyself, so I can attest to how good it is. It's my favorite dual stimulator I've tried; granted, I haven't tried the others on this list. Not only does it look silky (and available in several jewel-toned colors), but the internal base makes a "come hither" motion that mimics fingers. LELO's Ina Wavehas similar tech, but the Ina is longer and has a different look. The Ina is also cheaper, so, choose what factor matters most to you and go forth.

Price: $249 from LELO

9. The Eleven

njoy eleven dildo Credit: njoy

The Eleven has a similar design to the Contour (larger, smooth end and a smaller end with ridges), and it's also made with stainless steel. The main difference, however, lies in size: The Eleven is a bigger toy. The larger end of the Eleven is 2 inches, while that of the Contour is 1.92 inches. The smaller end of the Eleven is 1.75 inches; the Countour's is 1.53 inches. That may not seem like a huge difference to your brain, but it is to your body.

Price: $400 from njoy

10. Eroscillator Gold

eroscillator gold vibrator Credit: Eroscillator

The Eroscillator looks more like a gilded electric toothbrush than a vibrator. It comes with several tips for external or internal stimulation (or both). They have eclectic names like "French Legionnaire's Moustache" and "Grapes and Cockscomb." The Gold also comes with its own handcrafted carrying case. Despite its clinical look, this toy is absolutely beloved. In 2009, sex toy blogger Piph of Hey Euphoria (called the "Ars Technica or Wirecutter of adult products"by VICE) said in her Eroscillator review, "Everyone with a clitoris should own this sex toy. Hell, everyone with a soul should own it." If that's not enough to pique your interest, I don't know what is.

Price: $469 from Eroscillator

11. The Cowgirl Sex Machine

cowgirl sex machine vibrator Credit: the cowgirl

This toy isn't for your first rodeo (...sorry). Its saddle shape allows the user to comfortable sit on the machine, which can be controlled by a smart phone or corded remote. The "rawhide" attachment is textured silicone made for grinding, while the "wild west" attachment includes a dildo for added internal stimulation. More attachments are available for a multitude of experiences — the "lone ranger" G-spot/prostate stimulator, to name one — but are sold out as of publication. If you want a completely new experience, this sex machine aught to provide one for a cool $1,500.

Price: $1,500 from The Cowgirl