【Ejaculate Me So i’m Tired】

The Ejaculate Me So i’m Tiredfan theories are running amok. Everyone has their own opinion on who this season's killer is. And I'm about to add more fuel to Only Murders in the Building's fire and declare that Tobert (Jesse Williams) is the suspect to whom we should all be paying more attention. 

Now you might ask: how could Tobert, a dashing documentarian, Mabel's (Selena Gomez) new beau, and lover of baby elephants, be this season's killer? Well, the clue is in the handwriting. The latest jaw-dropping piece of evidence our trio of detectives have stumbled upon is the phrase "Fucking Pig" written out on Ben's (Paul Rudd) dressing room mirror with lipstick. Naturally, Mabel, Oliver (Martin Short), and Charles (Steve Martin), are hellbent on finding out who wrote it. 

What do we know so far?

Credit: Patrick Harbron/Hulu

We know that the lipstick used belonged to Joy (Andrea Martin), Charles' former makeup artist and now ex-girlfriend. We also know that Ben and Loretta (Meryl Streep) got into a heated argument on opening night, which prompted Charles to step in and punch Ben in the face. The only reason Joy was in Ben's dressing room to begin with, was to cover up the red mark Ben got from that punch. This order of events rules out Joy as a suspect. Although it may have been her lipstick, she wasn't actually the one who used it to scribble on the mirror.

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With the lipstick being insufficient evidence, the trio turns to the handwriting on the mirror. When Mabel finds a sign-in sheet in K.T.'s (Allison Guinn) office, she realizes the gang's just acquired handwriting samples from the entire cast of Death Rattle Dazzle. They can use these samples to compare to the writing on the mirror. But an alarmed Oliver, who's prioritizing his play's success — and his feelings for Loretta — over the case, destroys the evidence by smearing the writing on the mirror — and leaving the sign-in sheet in Ben's dressing room.

You might think that episode 6 of Only Murders in the Buildingended with our trio falling apart and finding themselves stuck back at one. But a small scene in last week's episode hints that they might still have a big clue to catch their killer.

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How does Tobert play into all of this?

Credit: Patrick Harbron/Hulu

At the end of episode 5, Mabel brings Tobert back to her place and shows him her murder board. When Tobert reaches out for a cue card to write the name of a new suspect, Ben's private doctor, Mabel says, "I'm worried about your handwriting." What she means is she worries her partners in crime-solving will be annoyed at seeing someone else has touched their precious board. But maybe there's a better cause for concern here. Despite Mabel's reluctance, Tobert still ends up writing the suspect's name on a cue card.

Why is this important? Well, Mabel may have found a sample of all the cast and crew's handwriting, but she hasn't realized that a missing sample of someone's handwriting is staring her right in the face at her home.

The fact that Mabel mentioned Tobert's handwriting in episode 5, only for it to be the biggesttangent in episode 6, is all too uncanny in the world of Only Murders in the Building.

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I knowOliver erased the evidence, but I'm hoping Mabel has a photographic memory if not an actual photo of the mirror to see the handwriting dilemma through. If she doesn't, it still is incredibly strange, or carefullyplotted, for Only Murders in the Buildingto make a point to mention Tobert's handwriting rightbefore an entire episode dedicated to handwriting. Plus, as we've seen from the last two seasons, the killers in Only Murders in the Buildingare always closely tied to the main trio, and in some cases, even helps them with investigating the case. 

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Considering how eager Tobert's been to join Mabel in solving Ben's murder, I can't help but feel suspicious towards his actual intentions. After all, what better way for a killer to escape being caught than joining those after him? Every step of the way, he'd have the potential to throw them off his tracks — like wasting Mabel's time with a date disguised as a stakeout AND convincing her Ben's doctor might be a suspect. I see what you're doing Tobert. 

In Oliver's own wise words, female killers are overdone. The killers in the last two seasons of Only Murders in the Buildingwere both women. So maybe the show is finally switching it up. Robert with a T, we're onto you. 

How to watch:Season 3 of Only Murders in the Buildingis now streaming on Hulu. 

Topics Only Murders In the Building